3 Reasons Why Naps Are Important

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Back when I had one small child, I loved nap time. It meant that I got to nap right along with her! “Nap when your baby naps” is what everyone tells you when you have a baby. Yes, that works during two times of your life… 1) when you’re actually at home all day with your baby, and 2) when you only have one child. This advice doesn’t work when you have more than one child though. When your new baby comes along and naps, you still have another child that’s likely still awake and needs attention. So enjoy your naps now if you’re still on your first child!

Unlike adults, children need naps. They’re not a luxury, like they are for us. Let’s talk about 3 reasons why they’re so important…

1) Daytime sleep is part of your child’s overall sleep needs. When we think about how much sleep your child needs each day, it’s based on the total hours in a 24hr period, not just at night. If you don’t think they’re important, just try skipping one, and you’ll see just how much those naps are needed!

2) There’s an old saying of “sleep begets sleep”. That basically means that when your child sleeps well for nights, then they will usually do better doing the day. And when they nap well, they will usually sleep better over night. Why? Well, because sleep deprivation makes it harder for kids to go to sleep and stay asleep.

For example, if your 9mo child only takes 2 short 30min naps in 12hrs throughout the day, they are going to be very overly tired come bedtime. When kids are too tired at bedtime, they will fight harder to go to sleep. And then once you get them to sleep, they will usually be restless throughout the night, waking more often. AND, if that’s not enough, they almost always wake up even earlier than normal the next morning. Of course, that then sets the whole next day off with a bad start, which will compound your sleep deprivation issue.

With slightly older kids (say 1 and up), you might also have night terrors happen. If they’re going to happen, they typically do so in the first few hours after falling asleep. These are different from regular night wakings in that the children aren’t truly awake. They appear to be awake, since they can sit up, they can move around, their eyes are open, and they may even talk a bit to you, but they’re actually in a light phase of sleep, stuck between sleep cycles. It’s not super fun, since they’re harder to calm down, often don’t want touch, and you have to wait for them to fully wake up so they can “snap out of it” and actually go back to sleep. So it’s best to avoid night terrors at all costs! The way to do that is to make sure you’re child isn’t overly exhausted at bedtime, by preserving the daytime naps.

3) No naps makes for really cranky kiddos. Whether your child has skipped one of 3 naps they have in a day, or their only nap they have in a day, the results are the same. When they need the sleep and don’t get it, it leads to some unhappy children. Imagine that you only got 5hrs of sleep, when you clearly need at least 8hrs. How do you feel? Do you feel like working out? Do you feel like making dinner? Do you feel like playing with your kids or talking to your spouse? Nope, pretty sure you don’t.

If I were to guess, I’d say you would feel cranky, emotional (can laugh, cry, or scream at any given moment), unmotivated, weak, and super tired all day long. This is exactly how your child feels when they don’t get their naps. There is so much learning that happens during those first few years that it’s imperative that children are awake and ready/able to learn. They’re ability to learn and retain information goes way down when they’re tired. And, what they are learning throughout the day will be lost without sleep. Information and short-term memories are transferred to our long-term memory when we are sleeping! So remember, naps aren’t luxuries, they’re necessities!

So there you have it…3 reasons why naps are important. I know it can be a pain sometimes to be home when your kids need their naps, but it’s worth it. Naps on-the-go are okay once in awhile, but you really want to try to be home for at least one nap a day. Imagine you fell asleep on the couch for a nap. Now imagine you fell asleep in your bed with your nice dark shades/curtains. Which one do you think is going to be easier for you to get the best quality and length of sleep? Your bed, of course!

This is the same as your baby taking a 20min car ride nap vs a 1hr 20min crib nap. That 20min nap will be enough to give them a little boost of energy, but not enough to keep them happily going for another few hours until next nap or bedtime. They’re either going to need more naps that day or they will just be tired, cranky, and clingy until they can sleep again. So my advice is to do what you can to let naps happen at home in their cribs.

And I don’t know about you, but I LOVED it when my kids napped! What parent do you know that couldn’t use a break or two during the day to nap, get things done, or just sit down and sneak a piece of chocolate?! So don’t push your child to give up their naps before they’re ready. But, when they are ready, take a good look at their schedule, which will need to be adjusted to make up for the lost nap. Schedules change often when they’re little, and dropping naps is definitely one of the times that this will happen.

 

*If you need help with schedule changes or nap issues, I can help! You can schedule a free 15min phone call, so I can access your sleep needs. You can always check out my full package sleep services or sleep courses as well, if naps aren’t your only issue!

Getting Rid of Sleep Props

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Getting rid of sleep props can be tough! If you don’t know what the term “sleep prop” is, let me explain. A sleep prop is anything your child uses in order to go to sleep. For instance, parents are often the biggest sleep prop there is! Many kiddos rely on their parent’s touch in some form or fashion in order to go to sleep. But the #1 sleep prop there is feeding-to-sleep. Almost all babies start out feeding-to-sleep at birth, as it’s quite natural. All is usually fine until the baby hits 4 months old and goes through what many refer to as the dreaded “4 month regression”. For other babies, it becomes an issue sometime in that first year, when parents realize that their baby should be able to sleep through the night yet they aren’t. That’s when they call me!

There are very few parents who don’t have sleep prop issues when we talk. Usually, if there are sleep props involved, there are sleep issues in general. Here are some more common sleep props…

  • feeding
  • holding
  • rocking
  • bouncing (either in arms or on an exercise ball)
  • pacifier (when used in order to get to the child to sleep or back to sleep)
  • co-sleeping (when you are only doing it out of necessity and not by desire)
  • using apparatuses such as a stroller, car seat, baby wrap/carrier, Rock-N-Play, Dock-A-Tot, swing

You’re probably looking at this list thinking about how you are currently using one or more of these things and wondering how the heck you’ll ever get your child to sleep if you stop. First of all, just know that it absolutely can be done! It can take a bit of time, persistence, and consistency, but it is well worth it in the end! Think about how nice it would be to have your evenings back to yourself to spend binge watching your favorite show, scrolling through social media, catching up with an old friend, having quality time with your spouse/partner, taking a bath, or even folding laundry (I know that’s not exciting, but it still needs to be done)! And then think about how you wouldn’t have to go to bed early because you’re afraid your child will be up multiple times that night. Or worse yet, you don’t go to bed early, your child does wake up several times, and now you’re a walking zombie the next day. Ugh!

But you can have those wonderful things I just talked about if you can manage to take away the “bad sleep props” and teach your child some new, independent sleep skills. You can also replace a few bad props for a couple good ones, if you aren’t already using them. Let me share examples of “good sleep props”…

  • lovey (any comfort item your child uses, such as a stuffed animal, doll, blanket, etc)
  • a worn shirt of the parent (can help older kids who might miss you)
  • white noise machine (I like these for all aged children, as it lessens background noise and adds a consistent soothing sound)
  • night light (only for older kids who have expressed being afraid of the dark)

While these things still help your child get to sleep, they don’t involve you! Adding these things are the easy part though. You still need to teach your child how to fall asleep without you or an apparatus, such as the Rock-N-Play. They should be falling asleep in their crib or bed for all sleep, as that’s the safest place to be. You also don’t want to have to transition them there later, since that can easily wake them up on the transfer or startle them later when they wake up and realize they’ve been moved. How shocking would it be to you to be moved after you fell asleep?!

How you actually get rid of those props is up to you. You can always choose to go “cold turkey” and just get rid of the prop (ex: pacifier, apparatus, holding, etc). Or you might decide to slowly wean the prop first, like with feeding-to-sleep or bouncing. You can also replace the prop of you with just your shirt or a new lovey. Of course, I realize that it’s all easier said than done. Your child’s not likely going to thank you for changing up their sleep routine and expecting new things from them. Nope, they’re more likely to protest these new changes, even if just a little bit. No one likes change, including children, so try to be understanding and supportive during the process.

And just so we’re clear, when you take away or change a sleep prop, you’re going to be doing sleep training (or sleep teaching). This is exactly what sleep training is… creating a new, sleep-prop-free world for your child! With that will come some resistance, so be ready for it! You need a good plan (and Plan B), a few nights to make these changes, patience, and consistency. If there’s one thing I know about kids, is that they’re often a step a head of us with this sort of stuff, which means you need to be 2 steps quicker!

*If you need help in developing that plan of action, you should check out my online courses for Newborns, Babies, and Toddlers/Preschoolers. These 2 week video courses can help you understand sleep, how to choose the sleep training method that’s best for your family, and then tell you exactly how to implement it! Or, if you’re too tired, overwhelmed, or lacking time to do a 2 week course, then check out my one-on-one sleep services for children. I will do all of the planning for you by developing a customized sleep plan, and then I will support you throughout the 2-3 week process while you get it done. If you have any questions about working together, feel free to set up a free 15min phone assessment.

Sleep Teaching vs Sleep Training

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Every day I am in Facebook “mom groups”, where tired, exhausted mamas often talk about their new baby’s sleep. Some of these poor mamas are really struggling and it’s causing overwhelm, anxiety, and sometimes depression symptoms. Any woman who’s had any number of children will tell you that the “4th trimester” (ie 3 months post birth) was a blur of sleeplessness, not eating well, not feeling well physically and mentally, not showering as often as we’d like to, and just feeling pretty crappy overall. This isn’t to say that we don’t love our new babies, because oh do we love those little bundles of joy! But, that doesn’t negate the fact that the first few months postpartum is tough.

Most new moms know that the first few months will be semi-sleepless, and most know think that they will need to wait until the 6 month mark to do some sort of sleep training to fix everything that went wrong up until that point. For some reason, parents are made to think that nothing can be done about their child’s poor sleep habits until at least 6 months and that is SO wrong! Here’s a concept for you…what if you worked on creating good sleep habits early on so that you didn’t have to change them at 6 months or after? Sounds awesome, right?!

When people see that I have a Newborn Package on my website, I know they are cringing because they think that I’m going to tell them that they need to let their 2, 3, or 4 month old “cry it out” (CIO). But that couldn’t be farthest from the truth! While we’re on the topic, there is plenty you can do before you would get to a true CIO scenario. I would never recommend that anyone puts their baby in their crib for the night and doesn’t come back until the morning!

So what can you do with a baby who’s up every hour at night and will only sleep on you for all of their naps? A lot more than you think! In my Newborn Package (and now course), I show you how to do “sleep teaching” with your baby vs sleep training. This method is all about developing good sleep skills early on so that you don’t have to do sleep training to correct things later on. It’s really pretty awesome!

There are so many factors that can affect sleep, like room environment, daytime schedule, bed/nap routines, timing of feeds, how baby goes to sleep, etc. This means that there are lots of things that a new parent can do to create the best scenario possible to help their baby sleep. When baby sleeps well, so do you! And if you’re one of those parents who thinks (or has been told) that not sleeping is just “what you signed up to do when you decided to have a baby”, please stop! Yes, we know we will be getting up a few times a night to feed our new babies, but that doesn’t mean that we should be up every hour or staying up for hours on end throughout the night. Our bodies are not meant to do that for long periods of time!

It’s so important for both you and your baby that you’re getting good, quality sleep. The majority of physical growth happens when you’re baby is sleeping, so it’s vital that they get all the sleep they need. And let’s face it, you’re not the best possible person/parent you can be when you’re constantly sleep deprived either. Sleep deprivation increases the risk of developing postpartum depression, as well as affecting your immune system, large/small motor skills, concentration, hand/eye coordination, emotions, and more!

Not convinced yet? Well, let’s say you’re okay with the amount of sleep you’re currently getting (even though it could be better), and that you don’t mind having to feed baby to sleep for every nap, bedtime, and night waking. As long as you can transfer them to their crib afterwards, all is good, right? What if I told you that it can all change for the worse once the 4th month hits? A lot of new moms have heard of the dreaded “4 month sleep regression“. If you haven’t, then you should click the link to learn more about it. But the short version is that this is a sleep milestone for your baby, which can very much feel like a sleep regression for you. Your baby will likely start to revolt at being transferred to the crib after you help them fall asleep. Now, once you move your sleeping baby into their crib, they will wake up and cry. You either need to re-feed or try something new, like bouncing, rocking, patting, etc. Sleep will now become a bit of a nightmare, because of this. But rest assured (pun intended) that there is a solution though!

If you teach your baby how to fall asleep on their own before you reach the 4th month, you will likely move right through the 4mo regression period unscathed! All you have to do is sleep teach your baby beforehand and they will be sleeping like rock stars in no time! And because I know some of you are wondering, no, sleep teaching does NOT involve cutting any night feeds. Sleeping is (and should be) completely independent of feeding your baby. That being said, making some daytime schedule changes, as well as changing how you’re putting your baby to sleep, can not only keep you from sleep training later, but you may also see your baby decide to drop some of their night feeds on their own. Of course, this will depend on your baby’s age and their physical feeding needs, but if they’re waking at non-feed times, or they no longer need a particular feed, you would see those disappear all on their own – bonus!

So, to recap, sleep teaching is when you actively and slowly teach your newborn how to sleep independently (at least some of the time). This is not an aggressive approach by any means! It should be slow and steady and without many or even any tears. You’re teaching your baby “something” every day when it comes to sleep (ie you need a bottle, patting, rocking, a swing, car seat, etc in order to go to sleep), so why not teach them things that you actually want them to continue on with as they get older??

*If you’re interested in learning more, I have a great new course called Sleep School for Newborns that you should check out! It’s a 14 day online video course that will walk you through all the things I mentioned above, as well as learning how to teach your baby how to fall asleep on their own at just the right times. It’s packed full of tons of great info that you can do at your own pace. If, however, you feel like you would rather have me give you the plan and info directly, I still have my Newborn Package, as well. This is a 3 week program, where I will give you a plan of action and guide you along the way. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions!

 

Why You Should Avoid Giving Your Child Melatonin

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Let me start by saying that I do not recommend giving children any type of melatonin or other sleep products; however, I do recognize that for some children (ie those with special needs or have been diagnosed with a sleep disorder) it might be medically necessary. If you’re currently giving (or have ever given) your child melatonin products to get them to sleep faster or longer, you definitely want to read this!

Firstly, melatonin is not FDA approved, and therefore it is not regulated. This means that manufacturers don’t have to list the overdose warnings like they do for prescription drugs. Companies in the US are allowed to market to parents with kid-friendly labels and say it’s “all natural”, but that’s very misleading to parents. Believe it or not, in almost all other first-world countries, you can only get melatonin if prescribed by a doctor! Just because the US has chosen to put this product in the vitamin supplement department of stores, it does not make it safe. And yes, it’s natural when it’s produced by our bodies, but it is not natural when it’s manufactured in a lab.

There are very few studies that have been done on melatonin (again, it’s not FDA approved), and those that have been done show that long-term use can affect the body’s natural production of it. Taking too much of it can sabotage sleep and actually cause insomnia! For children specifically, it can affect puberty, disrupt menstrual cycles, and impede normal hormone development. It’s also important to note that it does not keep your child asleep throughout the night! It’s used to help bring on sleep, but again it will not keep them asleep all night. So if you’re using it because of night wakings, you can stop or wean now.

Now, all this being said, I think there could be cases where melatonin use is needed at least on occasion (again, special needs, sleep disorders, flying across time zones, etc). Before even considering it though, you really want to make sure that you’ve taken care of all of the possible behavioral and sleep hygiene issues, and ensure that your child’s routine is solid. Here are a few things to consider:

  • Turn off all electronics 30-60mins before bedtime. The blue light coming from TVs, tablets, laptops, phones, gaming systems, etc can suppress the body’s natural release of melatonin. You can have quiet, relaxing play the hour or two before bed so that your child isn’t “worked up” right before you start your routine.
  • Having a consistent nightly routine is a great way to cue your child’s mind and body that sleep is near.
  • You should also take a close look at your child’s diet. You might be giving sugary snacks before bed that can affect how hyper your child is before bed. Sugary snacks include fresh fruit too, as it has natural sugar it. Also, keep in mind that milk has sugar in it and can give your child a boost of energy when you need for them to calm down. Crackers, grains, raw veggies, and cheese are good bedtime snacks.
  • Ensure that the bedtime is correct, as well as the daytime schedule. I would hate to see you feel the need to give your child melatonin, only to find out that they just weren’t tired enough or they were overly tired.
  • Many children with autism and ADHD also have sleep issues, which can leave parents desperate for sleep relief for both their children and themselves. Because of this, some parents will turn to giving their child melatonin supplements. I started this document by saying I don’t believe parents should give this to their children, except when medically necessary. Having a child diagnosed with autism or ADHD is one of those medical exceptions. But even though you feel that it might be necessary, I would ask you to consider doing 4 things first before ever giving your child melatonin:
    1. Look at possible vitamin deficiencies, as many of these children are lacking Vitamin D and magnesium, both of which can affect sleep. Your child’s pediatrician can order a vitamin deficiency blood test to determine what your child might need more of. Then they will be able to tell you what dosage to give your child of the deficient vitamin (if there is one), based on the results.
    2. Recognize that even with all of the behavioral, routine, environmental, and dietary changes that your child may just need a little less sleep than the typical child. You might find that your 4yr old only needs 9hrs of sleep overnight to feel well-rested, and that’s ok. The key is that they are well-rested. If they wake up on their own, are energized, and they can easily make it through the day without a nap or major meltdowns, then your child is likely getting enough sleep. Remember, everyone’s sleep needs are different.
    3. Are you sure the bedtime shenanigans aren’t just because your child wants to push the boundaries? Are they truly not tired, or are they fooling around because they know that it gets your attention? Oftentimes, it’s a behavioral issue that needs to be dealt with (like through gentle sleep training) and not that the child actually needs less sleep. And again, if they’re waking at night, melatonin is not going to help unless you re-dose them. So be sure to rule out behavioral factors that a sleep training consult/course/book and a parenting book/course couldn’t fix.
    4. Lastly, please check with your doctor before giving your child melatonin. I realize it’s an over-the-counter drug, but you already read what my thoughts are on the possible issues and side effects of giving it. And even if your doctor approves it for your child, I highly suggest you both start out at a super low dosage (ex: 1mg) and only give it for the shortest amount of time as possible.

I know it’s hard to deal with a child who is constantly battling you at bedtime and possibly waking throughout the night, but giving this medication is not the way to deal with it. It is beyond rewarding when you can work with your child and get them to willingly go to bed and stay there until morning because they want to. It is possible! If you need with the behavioral end of things, you can check out my one-on-one child sleep packages or my online sleep courses. You can always Contact me if you’re unsure what you need or have any questions. And don’t forget, I also teach parenting courses, so we can get your child following directions both at bedtime and throughout the day!

*Article Resources with study links: Health Ambition, Baby Sleep Science, Van Winkle’s, Baby Sleep Study, Find a Top Doc

Daylight Savings Time – “Falling Back”

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As I’m sure you know, Daylight Savings Time (DST) ends on November 3rd at 2am, with our having to move our clocks back an hour.  I don’t know about you, but I hate it when people say silly things like “awesome, we’ll get an extra hour of sleep!” For those of you who are single or are teenagers, then yes, you get to gain an extra hour; however, for all of us parents of small children, the only thing “extra” we get is an extra hour with our kids! Ugh! Whiny, tired kids for a whole extra hour…yay! Seriously, it’s not fun to deal with Daylight Savings Time, whether we’re “falling back” or “springing forward”, but we have to somehow manage it.  I’ve got a few options for how best to do this.

 

1)   JUMP RIGHT TO THE NEW TIME

For young babies, you sometimes don’t have to do anything at all. Thanks to a day full of napping already, and non-consistent bedtimes (because it should be based on the last nap of the day and not a set time), you can easily adjust the day’s naps if need be to move bedtime to accommodate the new bedtime hour. Again, a 4 month old’s bedtime might sometimes be at 7pm and sometimes be at 8pm, depending on how the day’s nap schedule went, so the time could have little to no effect on these little ones. If that’s the case, just jump right to the new time either on Saturday or Sunday night, and you should be fine.

 

2)    SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE IN HALF

If you want to split the hour time difference in half so it’s less of a struggle for your child to adjust, then your day might look like this. Let’s say you have a 10mo old that usually wakes up at 7am, then they will now be getting up at 6am (at least for the first day). If she usually takes a morning nap around 10:00am, you will want to adjust this to 9:30 for the first three days after the time change. It will be a bit later than your child’s normal nap time (it will feel like 10:30am), but not so much that it will cause much damage to her schedule. Do the same for all other naps, and don’t worry about it at all if you have a child who no longer naps.

Let’s say your child usually goes to bed at 7pm (which is the new 6pm). I recommend putting him to bed at 6:30pm for the first three days following the time change. Again, he’ll feel pretty tired, since it will be 7:30pm to his body. On the fourth night, just get in line with the new time so your child is back to going to bed when the clock says 7pm. Adjust naps to the correct time on day 4, as well. It will take about a week for your child’s body to get used to this. It takes all of our bodies roughly one week to adjust to any kind of change in sleeping habits.

If you have older kiddos, you can choose to split the difference for just one night and get to the new time by night two. Whether or not that’s a good idea has everything to do with how well your child does to bedtime shifts. If you know that your child is a mess when he goes to bed too late, then I would try to do either the 30min adjustment over 4 days or do #3 below.

 

3)    SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE INTO QUARTERS

For some children, going to bed 30mins later than normal can simply be too much, and then you could get bedtime battles, crying, possible night wakings, night terrors, sleep walking, sleep talking, or early morning wakings. But for other children, the 30min difference is no big deal, and they might actually make up for it by sleeping in later in the morning. You know your child best, so you’ll just have to make that judgment call.

For children who are more sensitive to time changes, I suggest moving in 15min increments instead of 30mins. So if your child normally goes to bed at 7pm, and the new time would be 6pm, you’re going to opt for a 6:15pm bedtime the first night after the change (remember, that’s like 7:15pm for her). Then continue to move the bedtime forward 15mins each night over the next 3 days until you’re back to your 7pm bedtime.

If your child happens to wake up at the same time as usual that first day (ie they’ve woken up at 7am like normal, even though the clocks changed and it’s technically 6am), don’t panic! It’s normal for children to want to wake up at their normal time, as their biological clock is already set. Babies and younger toddlers have an easier time with time changes because they need “x” amount of sleep no matter what the time; whereas, older toddlers, preschoolers, and school-aged children can have a harder time with that adjustment. Again, it might take about a week to see your child fully and happily make the adjustment!

 

4)    DO NOTHING

If your child normally sleeps 8pm – 8am and you would much rather prefer they sleep 7pm – 7am, then do absolutely nothing with the time change. On Sunday morning when you wake up, your child will have just went from an 8am waking to a 7am one thanks to DST. Awesome, right?! I know what you’re thinking… “who would ever want that?!” But there are some kids who have to get up early for daycare or school, and the parents are always having to wake the child up. Now they may not have to do that…problem solved!

 

Final Thoughts on Naps and Mornings: So throughout the day, be sure to adjust your child’s nap schedule to mirror the new schedule, based on their awake times and not by the “old schedule”. By this I mean, that if you have a 7mo old who’s taking two naps a day, you’ll adjust naps based on the child’s awake time and not a set time. That means first nap would be around 10am (again they woke at 7am not instead of 8am), which is a 3hr awake gap. Then, after that first nap, they would be awake for another 3hrs or so before the second nap, and the same would be true then after that second nap to get them to their new bedtime of 7pm.

If you find that your child is now experiencing early morning wakings, don’t panic yet. Just make sure they are still sleeping the same amount of hours overnight as they were before the change. That might mean that you need to adjust bedtime for a while until your child’s morning wake time goes back to normal. Give it time and know that your child should get back on schedule within a week, possibly two. I should mention here that sometimes kids do fluctuate back to their old habits after that week or two are up. Some children’s circadian rhythms are just really established at their preferred times, and therefore they will eventually find their way back to those times. If that happens there’s not too much you can do, so just embrace it!

Finally, when you start to make these changes is up to you. I prefer to start on Sunday after the time change has already happened, but you can start a few days or a week earlier so that your child is already on the new schedule by the time the change happens. It’s completely up to you and really doesn’t matter. Good luck!

 

*If after a week, you’re still having issues, remember I am here to help! You can check out my one-on-one sleep packages, online courses, or book membership! And of course, you can always take advantage of my free 15min phone consultations if you’re not sure which option is best for you.

Stress, Anxiety, and Sleep

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As parents, when we think about stress and anxiety, we often think about ourselves or other adults having it. But what if I told you that your kids can have just as much or even more stress than you?! It’s true! Kids experience stress every day… moving to a new grade/school, making friends, worrying about tests/projects/grades, playing sports well, potty training, eating healthy, doing chores, having new siblings, experiencing a death in the family, witnessing thunderstorms/hurricanes/tornadoes, sleeping well, and the list goes on and on. My point is that our kids are stressed out and feeling anxious, and it’s time we helped them deal with those feelings.

If you’re both stressed about sleep, then I highly encourage you to work on fixing that first (for both of your sakes). In fact, whenever you have the ability to resolve the issue that’s giving your child stress, then that’s the way to go. You always want to get to the root causes of a person’s stress and anxiety, whenever possible. However, you’re not always going to be able to resolve the stress at the source. So how can you help your child feel calm, cool, and collected?

There are several things you can do to help them (and you) learn how to deal with their stress or fears as they come up. Let’s take a look at each of these…

1. Deep Breathing – Taking several slow, deep breaths can be very relaxing! It provides oxygen to all the major organs in our children’s bodies, stimulates the lymphatic system, increases their cardiovascular capacity, helps to detoxify the body, and relieve pain. It can make them feel calmer, happier, and improve their posture. This is good for ages 3 on up.

~When my twins were about 6 years old, I started doing deep breathing. My one twin would often have anxious feelings right before bed. Things didn’t seem to bother her all day, but they would at bedtime. For a long time I thought she was just trying to stall, but I eventually realized that it wasn’t intentional. After that we started doing deep breathing and guided imagery (#5 below). To explain deep breathing to them, I would have them envision that they had a yummy birthday cake in front of them. I would ask them to take a deep breath in so that they could smell the cake. Then I would ask them to hold their breath until I couldn’t to 3, and then I wanted them to blow out all of the candles. It was a great way for them to understand how to do what I was asking!

2. Quiet Meditation – Listening to soft music or environmental sounds (ex: rain, crashing waves, birds tweeting) can relax their mind and body, as well as calm down nervous, angry, or sad feelings. Relaxing music or sounds can be played for newborns on up!

3. Guided Meditation – Someone talks to your child over soft music, asking them to “feel” or recognize different parts of their body. This allows them to focus their mind on what’s being talked about and not what happened earlier that day or what’s happening tomorrow. It should allow them to fall asleep before it’s over! This is likely going to be more helpful for teens.

4. Guided Imagery (electronic) – Instead of having a person talking to them about “feeling” individual parts of their body, there’s a person telling them a story (each one has a theme or story line). The idea is for them to either fall asleep listening or get very sleepy, calm, and relaxed. This is good for preschoolers on up.

5. Guided Imagery (storytelling) – Instead of using an app or web to provide the story, you can give them some things to think about before bed by telling your own story.

~For my twin daughters, I will often say things like “Pretend you’re fairies in Fairytopia and it’s the night of the ball. You still have to design your gown. What will it look like? Will it be long or short? What color will be it? Think about all of these things as you go to sleep tonight.” The idea is NOT for them to tell you the answers to your questions, but for you to be able to leave them with some nice thoughts instead of the not-so-good ones that might be floating around in their little minds. Of course you would adapt this for boys. This can be especially useful with school-aged children.

6. Yoga – Stretching and holding poses in a classroom or home setting. Your child can do traditional yoga or you can allow them to be creative with it. Not only is yoga calming but it is also exercising. Exercise at any time in the day can help kids sleep better at night. This is something that you can do right along with them, too! There are mommy and me and kids’ yoga classes, so this one is good for ages baby and up.

You can find examples of these methods for free on YouTube, some websites, or apps (and yes, there are paid-for versions too). I encourage you to try one or two with your child. You may find that one thing works better than the others, or that one method works better for one of your children than the others. While deep breathing and guided imagery works wonderful for my 8 year old girls, my 5 year old son can only tolerate my storytelling, and my 17 year old daughter chooses to listen to storytelling on her phone. I will often come in her room, hear a man telling a story, and see that she’s passed out, so it clearly works for her!

My point is that you might have to experiment a bit to find out what works best for your child. While they’re younger the best thing you can do to help calm down your child is to be there for them. Having parents close by during stressful times can turn a toxic stress situation into a tolerable one, so don’t underestimate your power! Just  snuggle, hug, kiss, listen to, and love your child each day!

 

**For more information on helping your child, teen, or yourself with sleep issues, please visit my Services Page. I also offer free 15min phone assessments, if you’d like to learn more.

What’s My Kid Eating Now?

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As a parent of 4 kids, I often find myself saying, “What’s my kid eating now?” I mean I usually know what they’re eating, but sometimes they sneak food. And sometimes I give them things that aren’t the best, because we’re on the run to school, sport, or other activity. Life is busy and kids are hungry like…all.the.time! So I’m sure you’re wondering what this has to do with sleep, right? Well, it has a ton to do with it!

The foods our children eat and drinks they consume can affect their sleep, digestion, clarity, mood, energy level, and more. The time of the day the food/drink is consumed can also have an impact on sleep, too. So if you’re a parent who’s not always sure what their kiddo is eating and when, then you’ll want to keep reading and you might want to reconsider your parenting style a bit. Let me explain…

Let’s say that your child’s evening snack consists of a slice of watermelon, chocolate teddy graham crackers, and a small glass of milk. Sounds reasonable, and even pretty healthy, right? Well, it sort of is and sort of isn’t. A slice of juicy watermelon is certainly healthy, but not the best choice before bed. Watermelon is water-based and can cause a potty-trained child to possibly wake up in the middle of the night to go potty, or can cause a diapered child to leak through their diaper. All that extra liquid has to go somewhere! Also, all fresh fruit has natural sugars in it, which means that it can give your child a boost of energy right when you need them to get sleepy. How about the chocolate teddy grahams crackers? Crackers aren’t bad, right? These kind are! Anything made with chocolate means that there’s a good amount of sugar in it, which again gives your kiddo a jolt of energy. And the darker the chocolate, the higher the content of caffeine, so that can also add to the issue.

Finally, there’s that small cup or bottle of milk.  Most parents add in some sort of milk product after their child is 1 year old; and oftentimes it’s a replacement from formula to cow’s milk. Because babies are usually drinking a bottle of formula or nursing before bed, parents will usually keep the routine in place and replace the formula for milk (nursing moms may continue this past 1 year old). But formula is not the same as pasteurized cow’s milk. Having a bottle or cup of milk before bed can also affect bedtime with the sugar found in it, as well as the fact that it’s a liquid, which can again cause urination issues. For potty trained kids, you want to watch how much they’re drinking after dinner, so they’re not up during the night to go to the potty. It can also increase the risk of bedwetting for some children.

So what can they eat, you ask? Well, there are foods that are considered to be helpful for sleep. Some examples are:

  • tart cherry juice/cherries
  • nuts
  • whole grain crackers/bread
  • whole grain cereals
  • cheese, frozen Greek yogurt, low-fat milk (some parts of it can make you sleepy, but other parts have sugar so it’s kind of a wash in my book but I wanted to mention it), and other dairy products
  • pretzels
  • corn chips
  • tuna
  • white rice
  • green leafy vegetables
  • hummus

Many of these products either have or help tryptophan reach the brain (that’s the hormone that helps us to feel sleepy, like when we eat a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving). We want our kids to be eating foods like this that can help them to feel tired when it’s close to bedtime.

Besides what they’re eating, you also want to be aware of when they’re eating. Remember, this is a snack, not a meal. Full meals should be eaten about 3 hours prior to bedtime, as overstuffed bellies can make sleep more restless and cause digestion issues (and more night wakings). And of course you want to make sure that your kids are brushing their teeth after their tasty snacks or any drinks other than water, so they don’t get tooth decay.

To summarize, bedtime snacks are great and can be very effective, as long as they’re the right kind of snacks offered at the right time. You want to choose your child’s snacks so that they work in your favor to make bedtime an easy process. And if your kiddo is a “food-sneaker” like my son (he loves candy), keep it all locked up or hidden so they can’t sneak it in when you’re not looking. Then you’ll never have to ask yourself “what’s my kid eating now?”

~

*If you need help with your child’s sleep, let’s chat! I offer free 15min phone calls, so that we can discuss your child’s unique situation. What kids eat is just one small reason why their sleep can be off! Oftentimes, there’s a behavioral component that we’ll also work on. Together, we can work on getting your child’s sleep back on track for both bed and naps, if applicable.

I also offer nutrition packages and groups! If you would like to learn more about what you’re eating, what you’re feeding your family, how to meal plan/prep, and maybe lose some excess weight for yourself in the process, then check out my Nutrition page! In fact, you can check out all my other services here (from parenting, infant massage, lactation, and more)!

Why Can’t I Just Feed My Child To Sleep?

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Feeding-to-sleep is hands-down the #1 sleep prop there is (a sleep prop is anything a child uses to get to sleep, including you). Why? Well, let’s face it, when a baby is born we will feed our child and then they will almost always immediately fall asleep. Who’s going to complain about that?! The process works really well for our newborns…feed, then sleep. Now, you’re likely wondering why you wouldn’t want to always feed your child until they fall asleep when it works so well. Let me explain.

Let’s imagine you just had a precious baby girl. You’re happily nursing your new baby and things are going great. Because you’re recovering and working on your bond with your daughter, you’re happy to devote every second of your day nursing and caring for your new baby. Your baby’s sleep at this age of life is pretty simple. One minute she’s awake, then she’s drowsy while she’s feeding, then BAM! she’s out like a light! Not only is she out cold, but’s she’s quickly in a deep sleep. This is when she’ll make all of those adorable little faces, smiling, pouting, startling, laughing, etc. This is also when you can do things like make noises, talk loudly, and transition her somewhere else (ie her crib, pack-n-play, bouncer, etc). It can be a beautiful thing! So why am I telling you not to do this?!

Again, this process works great for newborns, or the first 3 months of age. The problem comes around the 4th month. At this point, your daughter’s sleep stops having quite so much deep sleep and it starts to now have more light sleep (about 50% in fact). The light sleep appears right after that drowsy stage, so now when she first falls asleep she stays in a light sleep for a bit. If you go to transfer her over to the crib now, you’ll likely wake her back up and need to start all over again. Many moms are often shocked to find out one day that transferring to the crib no longer works – I know I was! When that happens, you do one of three things: 1) pick your child back up and re-feed, 2) pick your child back up and rock/pat/bounce/walk, or 3) try to pat them back to sleep while they’re still in the crib (that was me – the patter).

This newfound “sleep milestone” (having sleep cycles that now mirror those of adults) often feels pretty terrible to the parents who have likely been seeing nice, long sleep stretches up until this point. To most parents, this feels like a step backwards, or a regression (hence the term 4 month regression), rather than a milestone! Now, this wouldn’t feel like that if your child knew how to put themselves to sleep. If you either taught your child independent sleep skills before this, or you got lucky and just have a child who is already good at doing this, then you wouldn’t ever see this “regression”. Unfortunately though, unless you’ve been through this before or are a sleep consultant and know what you’re doing, you’re not likely going to try super hard to create this scenario from early on because again life is good those first few months!

You’re not likely going to want to “rock the boat” of feeding-to- sleep. Nope, most don’t. Most parents are willing to take a gamble to see if they’re going to be one of the lucky ones who have a child who just sleeps like a champ without having to put any work into it. And when I say lucky that’s exactly what I mean. You know all those moms who like to tell you that their little Joey sleeps like a champ since he was 8 weeks old, or their little Mary has always been an awesome sleeper? Well, they’re either lucky or they’re lying! I was one of the lucky ones – once. I fed my first daughter to sleep every single night and she still started sleeping through the night at 3 months old. I’d like to say that I knew what I was doing, but I didn’t. I was young, naive, and lucky! I was not so lucky with the next 3 though, so I quickly learned that not all kids are created equally when it comes to sleep!

So what if you don’t want to gamble with your luck? What if you’d like to help ensure that you get a child who doesn’t go through any “regressions” at 4 months old? Well, today’s your lucky day, because I can tell you the secret to success! Ready? Well, it’s pretty simple. Stop transferring your child to their crib AFTER they’ve fallen asleep! The whole trick is that they have to already be in their crib BEFORE they’re asleep. Then you’re no longer trying to do a slow and steady transfer and ninja crawl out of the room when they’ve just fallen asleep. Now they will already be in their crib and can fall asleep without being moved or disturbed. They can also fall asleep seeing where you are or aren’t and where they are. As you might imagine, it can be a little disheartening to fall asleep safe and snug in your mama’s arms, only to wake up to a cold, hard reality that is your crib! And they will wake up eventually, because we all do.

Every time we transition sleep cycles (about 1.5hrs for preschoolers and up; about 45mins for babies and toddlers; about 20mins for newborns), we come to a light phase of sleep and take note of our surroundings. If everything is the same as it was when we fell asleep, then we will slip right into the next sleep cycle. However, if something has changed (like you were there and now you’re not), then it gives us a reason to fully wake up. And once they’re fully awake, how are they going to be able to get back to sleep? You guessed, they will need YOU once again to do what you did before (ie feed, pat, rock, bounce, lay with them, etc). It can be quite a vicious cycle all night long! Just another reason why our babies need to learn how to fall asleep on their own.

See, I told you it was simple! Simply said, at least. Putting this into action is another story! I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can pull it off, you can save yourself and your child a lot of long, sleepless nights and a lot of crying. For those of you thinking that I’m talking about sleep training a newborn, I’m not. I wouldn’t advise actual sleep training for a child less than 4 months old, however, I fully believe in “sleep teaching”.

Look, when our babies are born, they come out with a pretty clean slate. We help them create their normal, their routine. What if you took some time to work on things from early on? What if you didn’t allow your child to fall asleep feeding each and every time? Making some small, simple changes to what you teach your newborn early on can be the difference between you being a lucky mama or one that’s calling me in a few months or years to help you fix your child’s sleep issues. You don’t have to wait to see if you’re going to be one of the lucky ones. You can create your own luck with a little time and minimal effort.

*For more information about my Prenatal Sleep Package (includes pregnant couples and parents of babies aged 0-7 weeks), you can click here. It includes babies already born up through 7 weeks of age, because I don’t believe you need to start from day 1 in order to get good results. You can still work on your healing, bonding, and nursing your babies in the first 6 weeks or so, and then make some changes. Don’t worry, if you “missed the mark” on sleep teaching, you can still sleep train your child now. I have packages for newborns (8wks -4mos), babies (5mos-2.5yrs in a crib), toddlers/preschoolers (2.5-5yrs old in a bed), school aged children (6-12yrs old), and teens (13 and up). It’s never too late to teach good sleep skills! Feel free to set up your free 15min call today to see how I could help you and your family.

Visit our friends over at Positive Health Wellness for more great blogs and tips!

Exercise, Hydration, and Sleep

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You might be wondering what exercising and hydration have to do with sleep. Well, actually it has a lot to do with it! As we’re getting ready to head into the hot summer months, I thought this was a great time to talk about these two things. I’m sure that you’re aware that as an adult, you should exercise to stay healthy and fit, right? So it’s no wonder that the same would be true for our kids. Besides the obvious fact that our children should exercise in order to stay healthy, it also helps them to sleep better. The more exercise they get throughout the day, the better they will sleep at night. They should fall asleep faster and also sleep more deeply.

The type of exercise they get really doesn’t matter, so long as their heart rate is up and their blood is pumping! For kids, the list of activity options is endless but I’ll give you some examples:

  • riding bike
  • running/skipping
  • jumping
  • swimming
  • playing sports
  • playing at the park or playground
  • dancing

And the list goes on and on! The best part is that you don’t usually have to do much as a parent to convince your child to get up and get moving (I wish it was as easy for adults)! What can be tricky to handle as a parent is the timing of the activities and staying hydrated. Let’s talk a minute about the timing, because that can be hard to control at times.

While exercising is great for sleep, it’s only great if it’s done earlier in the day. Ideally, for the best possible sleep, you would have your child be done exercising 6 hours before they would be going to bed. So if your child had a 7pm bedtime, then they would be done working up a sweat by 1pm. Now I realize that is totally unrealistic, as I don’t know many young kids who are going to sit around for 6 hours (nor do we want them to)!  The reason why has to do with the amount of time it takes for a person’s body temperature to return to normal. As soon as the body’s temperature returns to normal, it creates a natural feeling of sleepiness. So ideally, this is the best time to go to sleep.

Again, I know that’s not going to work for most kids under 13yrs old (teens have an easier time laying around). The main thing to avoid is having exercise too close to bed. The goal is to be done with the major sweat-inducing activities at least 3 hours before bedtime. By then most of the effects of the exercise (ie increased blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature) have gone away altogether or dropped a considerable amount. Having 4 kids in sports right now myself, I know what you’re thinking… “but their sports and activities go on so late in the night!” I hear ya! I get pretty annoyed myself at how late these practices and games are (even on school nights)! I may or may not have been “one of those parents” who has called the school to complain about the kids being required to attend a game at a late hour on a school night. Because let’s face it, it wasn’t just about my kid staying up too late. I had to stay up and go get her at a ridiculously late hour too (she’s in high school)!

We all know how hard it is to come home from being out somewhere and go immediately to bed (even if we weren’t doing anything physical). It’s no different for our kids! It’s really hard for them to run around a soccer field for 1-2 hours, then go home and immediately go to bed. They’re physically, mentally, and emotionally full of energy, thoughts, and feelings! The only upside is that they are sometimes so exhausted that they are ready to crash, but it really depends on the age and activity of the child. So you do what you can on these nights by keeping their bedtime routine, and trying to keep these late nights to a minimum.

Now on to hydration. When our kids are out there running around and working up a sweat, they are also losing a lot of water. How do you know how much fluids they should be getting each day? The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children drink six glasses of water on an average day. Because children who are playing a sport or enduring a rigorous activity can lose up to a half-liter of fluid per hour, the AAP suggests about 5 ounces of water or a sports drink every 20 minutes for an 88-pound child (an ounce would be about two kid-size gulps). And kids and teens weighing about 132 pounds should drink 9 ounces.

Water makes up about 65% of our bodies, and it does some pretty fabulous things (ie carrying toxins out of the body, boosts your immune system, aids in digestion, improves skin conditions, increases energy, etc). Drinking water isn’t really an option. Humans NEED it to live! Dehydration is a serious issue and can kill you. It can also be a cause of a poor night of sleep.  Now, if your child doesn’t like drinking straight water, don’t worry because it isn’t the only way to get it. Water is also found in flavored drinks, fruits, and veggies, so keep that in mind while trying to keep your kiddos hydrated this summer!

 

*Remember, as always, you can schedule a free 15min phone call with me to discuss your child’s (or your) sleep issues. You can also check out my FREE page, filled with lots of free resources and tips!

Postpartum Anxiety and Parenting

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Many new moms suffer from postpartum mood disorders: depression (PPD), anxiety/obsession compulsive disorder (PPA/OCD), or psychosis (PPP). While many of us have heard of PPD, sadly many will not hear about PPA, OCD, or PPP. PPA (and OCD) is one of those things that can “fly under the radar” a bit. Because you may not be sad or outwardly struggling like with PPD or PPP, it can be easy to miss; however, anxiety can be all-consuming! As a society, people tend to make light of the fact that a new mom who is worried often is just that…a new mom. We have probably all made a comment to someone or in our heads about how another mom is over reacting or worrying needlessly about small things (I know I have). We think, “she’s just that way because it’s her first child”. While that is often true, what if it was more? What if the tiny bit that mom shows us is just the tip of the iceberg? What if behind closed doors, she’s frantic about being able to produce enough breast milk so she’s pumping non-stop, is constantly moving her baby so they don’t get a flat spot, or is up most of the night watching her baby sleep because she’s deathly afraid that if she goes to sleep her baby may stop breathing?

Sadly, PPA is very common, yet usually undiagnosed. Looking back I know I had it with my first child. I was secretly paranoid about everything, especially with her sleep. Wrong as it was, I had her sleep in my bed at the hospital with me (this was 17 years ago so they allowed it then). I laid her next to me with the rails up and basically laid awake all night to make sure she was alright and breathing. She came home having jaundice, and therefore needed to be on a special machine. Needing to be hooked up like that added to my anxiety and caused me to be more aware of her during the night. I started with her in a bassinet across the room, then moved it right next to my bed because I had to keep getting up to check her breathing after I would hear a small sound or whimper. After a week of complete sleep deprivation, I knew I needed to do something. I had to sleep or else I was going to die (or at least that’s what it felt like).

I moved her to her own room after that, but with the monitor turned as high as it would go so I didn’t miss anything. It took me another few days to realize that wasn’t really working either. I finally turned down the monitor and we both did great. Thank goodness that I was blessed to have a very easy-going baby who would later start sleeping through the night by 3 months old! After I nearly died of a heart attack one morning when I woke up on my own instead of being woken up by a crying, hungry baby, I was ecstatic to realize that she had simply slept through the night without any wakings or feeds. Yes, I was one of those lucky mamas – you know, the ones you secretly hate – the first time around (don’t worry because I became unlucky years later when my twins were born).

But at the time it was a good thing she had such a great temperament, as I clearly had a lot of anxiety around her sleep! I was embarrassed to be like that, so I never told anyone what I was feeling or thinking. I was the kind of mom who wanted the world to think I knew it all already at the ripe old age of 24. Admitting I was having some difficulty would be like admitting defeat, so I chose to hide it all. I was lucky to get through those few months pretty unscathed, other than some sleep deprivation early on, but not everyone is so lucky. Many mamas will continue on like that for months, years, or indefinitely. Feeling and living like that can be very difficult for the entire family. Not only is mom usually physically and mentally exhausted, sleep deprived, and hyper-vigilant about everything her baby does, she’s often shutting out those closest to her. Her partner may be feeling left out, other family may be shut out, and even baby suffers as they are feeling the effects of a mom who’s not enjoying parenting as much as she would like to.

Things like postpartum mood disorders can alter us as parents, whether it’s just for a few weeks or months or even years. We may start out with intentions of being a certain type of parent, but then reality hits and quickly realize that we either can’t or no longer want to do those things. How many times have you said, “I’ll never be like that with my kids”, only to find yourself doing exactly that? Maybe you thought you would be a more strict parent, but then change your mind as soon as that precious baby is placed in your arms. Or maybe you thought you would be a bed-sharing family, only to realize that you, your partner, or your baby just don’t want to or can’t do it anymore? Don’t misunderstand, it’s completely normal to change your mind about things as time goes on. It only becomes a problem when you’re changing things because you feel like you don’t have a choice.

Whether it’s PPA, PPD, or OCD, these mood disorders can disrupt your life, but it doesn’t have to. I encourage you to seek help if you need it. Don’t be embarrassed, ashamed, or suffer in silence. There are many other mamas out there just like you! With a little help and guidance, you can still be the mama you want to be. In fact the vast majority of families I work with have at least one parent (usually the mom) suffering from anxiety, as well as the majority of adult clients I see. Of course, sleep deprivation will intensify your anxious feelings, so if you’re not sleeping well because of your child’s poor sleep, then please consider helping your child learn how to sleep independently (provided they’re at least past the newborn stage). Almost all of the parents I work with report feeling and sleeping much better after their little ones are sleeping through the night! If you’re a do-it-yourself type of mama, then you can check out my book All Things Sleep: Kids! and accompanying program levels. Or, if you are beyond wanting to read and just want help right now, then one of my one-on-one packages would work best. If you’re not sure what to do, the best thing to do is to set up a free 15min phone assessment, so we can chat about your unique situation! And if you’ve suffered from PPA, I’d love to hear from you – just post below!